Alois Trancy's User Guide
by xXHanamizukiXx
Summary: Yes,I know, you rabid fangirls are so extreme as to actually want a 14 yr old psychopath. I am very disturbed by you people, but as the CEO of the Anime Unit Company, what you want, we give. Read this guide to avoid an early death from Alois Trancy.


Hey people! :D thank you all for the awesome reviews, I totally love you all, and I'm now taking requests! Check out my profile for the list of anime I've watched; I will take on any request because I'm a bored student with nothing else to do. As promised to Kitsune and xMittenz, your Alois Trancy guide!

Owner's Guide and Manual: Alois Trancy

Congratulations! You are now the demented owner of an equally demented little blonde named ALOIS TRANCY. In order to take proper care of your now very short life and eye-stabbing Victorian teenage lord, you should read this guide or suffer a painful death at the hands of Alois with a spork.

Yes, spork. Because they're cooler than a spoon or a fork. Proof? Go take a look at Vocaloid's "Google It" or "Ggrks" on Youtube.

Your Alois Trancy Unit comes with the following:

1) A long purple frock coat

2) A green vest with purple lining

3) Several white button up shirts

4) Short shorts (Whistles...Alois you shameful little boy.)

5) Brown high heel boots (Omg, he's been imitating Grell! Can we imagine Alois with red hair? HOLY &#$)

6) A dark grey neck ribbon

7) A vampire lord costume (Ok, let's make this clear. I don't care if you love sparkly fairies. Give me a psychotic shota in a vampire costume, and I'll worship the Gods of Anime for life. Wait, I already do that. *Facepalm*)

8) HANNAH'S MAID COSTUME. ENOUGH SAID.

Heh...we are ABSOLUTELY, IN NO WAY WHATSOEVER, RESPONSIBLE for ANY physical, marital, or mental damage caused by any of our units. ESPECIALLY THIS ONE. I don't give a shit whether he dissects your grandma, stole Celty Sturleson's head, or piss off Kanda from D. Gray-man. WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE. It's your fault for buying him in the first place.

Although I have a chilling thought that fangirls won't care if he does any of the following; this is probably the sole reason why this unit sells so well.

To remove your Alois Trancy unit:

1) Get a Hannah unit...but she might be damaged in the process of removing her violent young lord from the box. We have supplied a special bandage for her eye in the case she loses one. Which is very likely.

2) Get Claude to stand outside the box in a bunny suit and remove any SEBASTIAN MICHAELIS units from the vicinity; three things will happen if you don't. 1) Claude will get blackmailed relentlessly 2) Your Sebastian unit will die from a laughter fit. 3) If you happen to have both units on Yaoi mode, you'll be treated to a lemon. Right in your living room. Although that may provoke the Alois unit into popping out and attacking Sebastian.

3) Try removing him yourself. (NOT RECOMMENDED. I wouldn't go near him with a ten foot long broomstick. If I even had a ten foot long broomstick.)

Your Alois Trancy unit comes in several modes:

Normal: Ok..we all have our standards of being normal. I'm positively sure what Alois does is not normal in our standards. But that's fine, because he's a shota with mental problems. In normal mode he will mutilate anything and EVERYTHING, he'll constantly glomp and attempt to seduce your Ciel and Claude units. To prevent having everything defaced by your delightful little sadist, get a Hannah unit. Or buy the Tonchinkan triplet set (Now on sale!)

Horny: Yeah, since this unit is already very gay, there isn't a yaoi mode for Alois. Horny just means he'll hit on the other guy units more and possibly activate their yaoi mode. You might want to ask them to clean up after themselves. Unless if you enjoy doing that. (GROSS)

Straight: Is this even possible? I doubt any of you want to pair him with Elizabeth. Maybe yourself, but you won't really be living for a long time after entering into a relationship with him.

SPECIAL: Two-in-one!: This can only be activated after you get the Special Upgrade: Crappy Season Two with A Delusional Blonde. After this, you will find your Alois unit missing and your Ciel unit...acting like Alois. Which is literally the end of the world. Literally.

Your Alois unit can do several things:

Prostitute: Hey...he has experience. With a very nasty old man. If you're going to sell him out for money you might want to make sure he doesn't sic Claude on you.

Crossdresser: He pwns Grell in this department. Especially with little church boy costumes.

Food:

Alois eats pretty much everything. Just don't serve him sunnyside eggs; he will gouge out your eye.

Cleaning:

Uh yeah, leave that to the other units (namely Claude, Hannah or the Tonchinkan) Don't attempt cleaning him unless if you REALLY REALLY have a death wish.

Questions and Answers:

Q: HOLY FREAKING SHIT HE KILLED MY MUM AND ATE HER!

A: Well, that was very informative. I suppose we should add "cannibalism" to the list of dangerous things he can do.

Q: Uh...I upgraded him to Two-In-One mode...but now he's acting like Ciel and now Ciel has red eyes.

A: Yeah, about that...I'm sorry, but it seems your Alois has disappeared from Ciel's body, since Claude failed against the epic Sebastian. That's the problem with the Two-In-One mode...it doesn't really last very long and your Alois unit...dies?

Q: There's an old man in my house. And Alois is hiding in my sock drawer from him.

A: OMFG HOW THE HELL DID THE LORD TRANCY UNIT EVEN GET TO YOUR HOUSE? That's a scrapped unit! No one wants to keep an old pedophile! Shoot him and send him back NOW! Yeah, we won't charge you for the damage done to the Lord Trancy unit.


End file.
